My Brothers
by DarkElements10
Summary: [Post Series] It had barely been a few months since Big Time Rush ended and Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan had agreed to do their own thing. Kendall had a tough decision: stick with hockey or be with his friends again. Maybe for the last time. [Previously called "Decisions"]
1. Prologue

**My Brothers  
**

**By: Rhuben**

**Summary- It had barely been a few months since Big Time Rush ended and Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan had agreed to do their own thing. Kendall had a tough decision: stick with hockey or be with his friends again. Maybe for the last time.  
**

* * *

"Knight! Get off the ice!"

Kendall Knight stared at the hockey net in front of him, chest heaving, hot air and spit shooting out around the sides of his rubbery mouth guard. He used his back teeth to grind on the mouth piece, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling. He slowly closed his eyes, feeling beads of sweat roll down the sides of his head, traveling towards his neck.

"Knight! The zamboni needs to get on the ice."

Kendall used his tongue to push his mouth guard out of his mouth. He smack his lips as he lowered his head and swallowed the spit that instantly flooded his mouth. "Alright, alright," he called, swinging an ice skate covered foot behind him angling himself towards the man standing at the edge of the ice, waving in him over. "I'm coming."

He pushed against the ice slowly gliding himself over to the man, shoving his gloved hand into his armpit, tightly clamping his arm down. He removed his hand from his glove and reached up for his hockey helmet, pushing it up onto his head.

"Sorry, Coach Sanders," he apologized to the man.

Coach Sanders had crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for Kendall to join him. His face was pinched, looking annoyed and Kendall held back a groan. You did what Coach Sanders asked you the first time; not only as a sign of respect, but to prove that he could listen to not only the coaches but his teammates as they were on the ice.

Ever since Big Time Rush had decided to take a break after years of performing and making music Kendall had thrust himself back into the world of hockey. He had moved back home to Minnesota to accept his position at a hockey camp to further his career. If he did well enough, he could be chosen to join a junior hockey team.

"I won't do it again," Kendall added. He watched as Coach Sanders's eyes softened before he lifted a hand to punch at his pad covered shoulder.

"You've got a lot of spunk, Knight," Coach Sanders commented. Creases framed the sides of his mouth and appeared around his eyes as his mustache stretched across his upper lip as he smiled. "But, spunk isn't going to stop you from injuring yourself if you don't get the rest that Coach Enders and I tell you to get." His eyes dipped towards Kendall's legs. "How's the knee."

"Uhhh," Kendall trailed off.

He was trying hard not to put any weight on his leg just standing and all throughout practice. He had hoped that no one would notice. _This is the big leagues, Kendall. Of course he'd notice. _His knee suddenly throbbed with pain and Kendall wished he still had his mouth guard in his mouth as he tightly clenched his teeth together.

"It's been bothering you all practice, no point in denying it," Coach Sanders finished for him, all traces of amusement disappearing from his face. Kendall pressed his lips together, shifting his gaze over towards the zamboni that slowly drove out onto the ice. Coach Sanders grabbed his arm guiding him off of the ice before closing the portion of the rink behind him with a loud, echoing click. "You haven't been playing to your potential for some time now all the coaches have noticed. Have you gotten your knee checked out?"

"Uh, yeah, I have," Kendall replied as evenly as he could. He hoped that answer was enough, but Coach Sanders' eyebrows shot up in a questioning look and he knew he had to think fast. "Um...I'm looking into getting cortisone shots or...something." He cleared his throat, swallowing. "I have an appointment at the hospital soon."

"Good," Coach Sanders replied. "We believe in you, Knight and we want you in top shape; we really think you have a shot at this." Kendall just nodded his head as he was lead over to a bench. He slowly sat down, trying to keep his face neutral as he bent his sore knee to do so. "You wouldn't have been offered to attend some practices at Minnesota University if people didn't believe in you."

"I know," Kendall replied. He removed his helmet, dropping it onto the floor followed by the hockey stick, his gloves and his hockey jersey. "I just…I have a lot on my mind." He pulled at the Velcro of his chest pads, loosening them before pulling them off his body.

"Anything I can help with?" Coach Sanders asked. Kendall just shrugged. He was too tired to do anything else and his head was starting to pound with all of his thinking and conflicting thoughts. "Well, my door is always open if you need to talk. Coach Enders and the other coaches, too."

"I know, thanks," Kendall replied.

Coach Sanders nodded his head. "Now, get some rest, I mean it," the man said, his voice hardening. "Relax this weekend, get plenty of sleep and be read y to go on Monday."

"I understand, Coach," Kendall managed to get out, nodding his head again. He watched as Coach Sanders headed out of the arena. "But, I don't know if I'll be here on Monday."

That morning he had heard something he hadn't heard in a long time, James Diamond's voice. He hadn't seen James in a while either, at least not in person. It was hard to schedule around both their schedules and their time differences to have video chats with each other or even to have lengthy phone calls to catch up. The same went for Carlos Garcia and Logan Mitchell.

It had been months since they were all in the same room together as Big Time Rush. After the Tween Choice Awards, they had agreed to take some time off from their hectic schedules, and Gustavo's constant yelling, to take time to themselves and to relax. Most importantly, to try some other projects that were being offered to them.

Kendall had gone back into hockey, James was working on a solo album, Carlos was really the only one to take time off to himself and he and his girlfriend, Stephanie King, Kendall was sure was close to getting engaged, and Logan was taking classes to get back on track to becoming a doctor. They were all happy for each other and excited to see what would come of their lives, but it didn't stop Kendall from missing them.

Sometimes he found himself stopping and thinking, "What am I doing here?" He had been with his friends, no his _brothers_ for years. To suddenly go from being Big Time Rush's Kendall Knight to being Kendall Knight the hockey star was jarring. Hockey and music were both big parts of his life and in both instances, he had had his brothers there with him.

And now he had the chance to do it all over again. James had called him to relay the news of a potential South American tour. Of course, Kendall already knew that James could potentially use the tour to promote his new album. He'd back James up on the guitar any day of the week, but he didn't know if he wanted to give up his dream for a second time.

Sure, being a musician and a performer ended up becoming his dream as he lived in Los Angeles, but he still tried to make it out onto the ice to keep up his skills as often as possible. Now that he got that chance, he was being drawn back out.

"_It won't happen if all of us won't do it_," James had said. "_Carlos is in, but Logan's on the fence. He wants to know what you're going to do_. _Especially with your hockey._" Kendall had stayed silent, adjusting the ice pack on his knees as he leaned back against his bed. "_You don't have to make a decision now, I just wanted you to know_."

"Yeah, man," Kendall replied quietly. "I know." But, he felt a heavy weight on his shoulders, bringing more pain to his body as James's words reached his ears.

Memories came flooding back of rehearsals so late at night they were falling on the floor laughing, planning on ways around Gustavo's rules, being in close proximity with his long-distance girlfriend Jo Taylor, the Palm Woods, the recording studio, music video sets, the trips, the fans…

"Maybe you should go, Kendall," Kendall whispered to himself, continuing to remove his pads before reaching for the laces on his skates. "After all, it _did _become your dream too and it'd really help James out." He sighed as the energy suddenly lifted from his body and he practically folded in on himself. He rested his arms on his legs, breathing heavily. "And you know you miss the guys. It'll be a whole new adventure; you've never been to South America before."

He lifted his head and looked around the ice rink. "Hockey will always be here," he whispered to himself. He repeated the words over and over again as he slowly got to his feet, gathering his belongings before heading into the locker room.

He had a phone call to make.

He wasn't sure he was ever going to get the chance to be with his brothers or be a part of Big Time Rush again.

Because Kendall Knight had cancer.

* * *

**A/N: **So, I got the idea of this thinking about if BTR was to do another season after season 4 ended. With what BTR are doing right now in real life, I wonder how the South American tour idea came about and decided to try writing out my idea about it.


	2. Isn't It a Rush

**Isn't it a Rush**

* * *

"Kendall, I have to say I'm surprised you haven't told anyone what's going on."

Truth be told, no one would be all that interested in knowing that Kendall Knight was slumped in an uncomfortable, squeaky, wooden chair in the most nauseatingly green office he had ever set eyes on. His eyes were glued to the clock high up on the wall, shifting slightly as the second hand ticked its way around the circle.

"Mom and Katie," he said, tearing his gaze away from the clock to directly address his oncologist "I can't tell them. Not yet. It'd just be too hard on them, especially with Katie and school…" He shook his head back and forth, trailing off at the end of his sentence.

"And James, Carlos, and Logan?"

Kendall was silent.

"If going back to Big Time Rush, or hockey, is something you want to do—"

"It is," Kendall said, interrupting him. "But, not for me, Dr. Maurer for James." Dr. Franklin Maurer pushed his large glasses up his nose. He blinked his large, magnified eyes at Kendall, waiting for him to explain further. "This is something he's always wanted to do."

He shook his head, his lips curling up into a hint of a smile. "Strangely enough, I think it hurt me more than him to know that his solo career wasn't doing as well as we hoped. Not because it wasn't doing well but because he never reached out to talk about it. But, I've always been there for him and I always will be. I want to be there for him one last time."

"It doesn't have to be the last time is the point I'm trying to get at," Dr. Maurer said with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. He let out a long sigh and Kendall tapped his fingernails against the arm rest as it turned into a bit of a growl. "This is clearly something you really want to do, but I'm not going to sit here and postpone your health when I think…no, I _know _you have a good chance at beating this."

"If you're up for it, I can get you the best medical personnel I know to go on tour with you. As well, I can research the local hospitals in whatever city you'll be traveling to ensure you that you have the best care at all times. Normally, I wouldn't offer, considering both hockey and performing are great stresses on your knee, but you have to absolutely be honest with yourself and how much pain you're in. Is that something you can do?"

Kendall felt his lips twitch just slightly. There was a difference in saying that it was, absolutely something he could do, if it meant he could continue doing what he loved, however, he had been hiding the pain even from himself as hadn't even come clean about the pain in his knee to begin with to his coaches or his family let alone himself after his initial diagnosis.

He was so used to working through whatever pain his body had sustained whether it be a rolled ankle because the stage he was performing on had remnants of a rain shower, or a hard check into the boards from a rival team, you never showed any form of weakness. That much had been grained in his head for as long as he could remember.

"Yes," he finally replied, his voice cracking just slightly. Dr. Maurer removed his glasses, giving him a beady, pointed look. Kendall sat up straight in his seat. "Look, I know it took me a while to even get my knee checked out to begin with. But, I was scared, ok?"

"That's understandable, Kendall," Dr. Maurer replied, tapping his folded glasses against the palm of his hand, "cancer is a scary thing, but don't you think your family would be even more scared if things started happening with your health and they didn't know why?"

"I'll tell them eventually," Kendall said, putting his hands up into the air, as if defending himself from the words that came out of his doctor's mouth. "I just need to figure things out, like finances and stuff. Hockey and Big Time Rush are the only ways that Katie is able to go to school and—and so mom doesn't have to continue work her ass off at the diner. And…"

His heart started punching painfully at his chest, his breath releasing short bursts. He blinked rapidly, trying to keep back the tears that stung at the corner of his eyes. _Not now, Kendall. Don't think about it. _"And if something happens…this is the only way I'd be sure there'd be enough money left over to help them out."

"I know there's a history there, but have you tried getting in contact with your father?" Dr Maurer inquired. Kendall watched his shoulders tense, squaring off as he steeled himself for the torrent of harsh words that only flew out of Kendall's mouth in regards to his absent father.

"No," he responded, slowly shaking his head from side to side. "I'm not getting him involved."

"With your father's profession, he would make sure that your mother and sister would be ok…if things were to…" Dr. Maurer cleared his throat, adjusting his tie, "take a sudden turn."

"I'm not getting him involved," Kendall responded, an edge coming to his tone. "He wasn't there before and he won't be now. And if he is…just because I'm sick?" He shook his head back and forth, faster and faster, his overgrown tresses slapping the sides of his head. "That's not fair; it's not fair to them."

"Correct me if I'm wrong here, but, _you're _the only one with a problem with your father," Dr. Maurer said, pointing his glasses in Kendall's direction. "At least you can be secure in knowing that your mom and Katie will be financially secured in some way."

"Uhh…" When he put it _that _way, Kendall sounded like a selfish jerk. He had _been _a selfish jerk when he decided not to get his constant knee pain checked out, to not tell his family what was going on, and to not tell his coaches or his teammates. He was using his sickness to keep his father away, and at a time where they might need him the most.

He had reasons for it, or excuses as some could look at it. He was being a coward. He was trying to plan everything out. He was trying to be financially secure. He was trying to keep it in the family. But, who could he turn to if he didn't tell his family? Or his brothers.

James, Carlos, and Logan had all promised him that they would stay in contact as they moved on with their lives and he hadn't kept his end of the bargain. He had dodged a few phone calls, both deliberately and on accident. Things had just gotten too busy with hockey training, working at the grocery store, and trying to keep up with his music.

A few of the songs he had written were used as demos for Big Time Rush and that was the biggest rush (pun intended) he had ever had. Just the idea of having a song _he _had written appear on an album for the fans to listen to and enjoy was exciting. If he had to guess, that was the beginning of the end of Big Time Rush: the more songs he wrote by himself to try and get on the album, the more James had started to talk about going solo. James going solo prompted Logan to really focus on his medical career. Logan focusing on his medical career prompted Carlos to want to try and find something he would enjoy doing, maybe work on his own music.

Fact of the matter is _he_ was the reason Big Time Rush ended. _He _was the reason why their fans asked them over and over again if they were going to get back together or if they'd be the new *NSYNC. Big Time Rush had never publically announced their split, or break, or whichever way you want to look at it. One day they were a group, and the next they were separated. It felt like something was missing, like a part of him was missing; so he immersed himself into hockey. Music replaced the gap that filled him when he left Minnesota in the first place, so it was an easy trade.

At least, he thought it would be.

Now James was asking for him to come back and he _wanted _to go, but he wanted to be sure he would be able to see everything through to the end; to have a few more moments with his friends. However the idea of seeing their faces when he told them the news, to have them see someone they looked up to, someone they thought was invincible broken down, and tired, scared him.

Kendall massaged his knee before giving a nod of his head. "I get your point," he admitted and Dr. Maurer's lips pulled back into a smile. "I just don't want to see anyone upset."

"That's a normal reaction, Kendall, but as I said, we caught this early and we're going to do the best we can to help you," Dr. Maurer replied, sliding his glasses back onto his face. Kendall pressed his lips together, holding back his laughter. If Carlos was there, they would already be in hysterics calling him "Goggles", or "Urkel" or something to that effect. He could already hear the snorts and high pitched squeaks circling his head. "I do have to ask, however, if you still want to try cryosurgery?"

"It's the least expensive, I don't have to worry about my hair falling out, or being sick, and it has the fastest recovery time," Kendall quickly rattled off. "I want to

He had done his research; mainly with hockey in the back of his mind. Chemotherapy and radiation were too taxing and with this procedure all he had to do was go in, get the cancerous cells and tumors frozen and they'd be done. It was still experimental, and there weren't a lot of known side effects, but it was like he said, "A life without risks is a life unlived." Hell, if he had known about it ahead of time, he would've sliced his leg open and shoved ice into the hole as often as he could. And he _was _due for his next cortisone shot, soon. It was perfect timing.

"I can see you've thought a lot about this," Dr. Maurer replied. He let out a sigh before holding his hand out towards Kendall. "Well, Mr. Knight, I'll look to see who's free and set up an appointment with a cryosurgeon as soon as possible, just let me know when you're heading out to California."

"Thank you," Kendall said, shaking the doctor's hand, clasping it tightly between both of his. "Thank you very much." He got to his feet and made his way towards the door only to pause and turn back to face his doctor. "You're not going to tell my mom about this, are you?"

"Well, you _are _over the age of 18," Dr. Maurer explained, looking up at Kendall over the top of his glasses. "However, until you're 26, you're under your parents'—in this case your mother's—health insurance plan. Because of your age, I don't have to tell her about what went on here, or what will go on, but I am asking you to talk to your mother about this so you can work out finances and how to pay off medical bills as I'm worried the money you will receive from partaking in Big Time Rush again, might not cover any outlying medical agendas for long."

Kendall took another long glance around the small room. Potted plants sat in each of the four corners, bookshelves lined each side wall, paintings of flowers flanked a still life of a majestic mountain region, with his oak, or mahogany desk and cushy leather chairs sitting directly in the center of the room.

"I'll see you soon," Kendall finally replied before pulling the door open; making his way out into the hall.

He reached into his pocket for his iPhone and swiped his thumb over the familiar pattern of his lock screen to achieve full access to his phone. Once he had done so, he stuck his hand into the bottom of his shirt and wiped the screen clear before opening his call log. Scrolling farther and farther down the list, he finally stopped on James. Holding his thumb over his best friend's name, Kendall stared down at his phone before highlighting it and starting a call.

The phone rang once, twice, three times before it was answered with a gruff, "_Hello_?"

"Hey, it's me," Kendall said, surprised at how quietly he was talking. "Uh, sorry if it's early I didn't check what time it was."

"_Don't worry about it, dude,_" James replied, sounding more awake then he had minutes before. Kendall heard a creaking sound, followed by a click, and James yawning. "_What's up? I've been waiting to hear from you._"

"Yeah, I know, I've just been busy." Kendall made his way down the main hall of the building before pushing open the front doors with his hip, sunlight bearing down onto him, instantly warming him up from the inside out. "So, listen, I was calling to tell you that…I'm in. I'll be in California, soon."

"_Really?_" Kendall could hear the excitement in his voice a moment before James started a barrage of questions. "_Are you sure? What about your mom and Katie? What about hockey? I know how important this hockey thing was for you._"

"Yes, really," Kendall replied, feeling himself smile. "Hockey will always be there, they have adult leagues and everything. But this is—"

"_A once in a lifetime opportunity. Twice for us, I guess_." James cleared his throat but he didn't say anything else.

"Listen, James, I wanted to tell you something," Kendall said. _Just tell him. He's your best friend; he's been there for everything. He'll be there now. _"Uh…"

"_I'm sorry, too_." Kendall blinked in surprise. He removed the phone from his ear before putting it back. "_For not calling or talking to you guys or anything._ _I was busy and I didn't want you guys to know that things weren't going too well_."

"Well," Kendall said, his smile getting wider. "Things will be better now. It's like we said, 'one is good, but four is better'."

James laughed.

* * *

"I don't understand, Kendall," Mrs. Knight said as she moved around the kitchen, preparing dinner. "Playing hockey was your dream."

"It still is, mom," Kendall replied, reaching around her towards the plate of cookies. "I just want to take a bit of a break from it." Mrs. Knight smacked the back of his hand with a wooden spoon. "Ouch!"

"Too slow, Big Brother," his little sister, Katie Knight said with a teasing smile as she reached for, and successfully snagged a cookie, taking a large bite out of it.

"Katie!" Mrs. Knight said, turning towards her daughter, giving her a look of disapproval. Kendall took that opportunity to grab a cookie of his own. Mrs. Knight's red hair flew as she whipped back around to face him, eyes wide in a 'What kind of example are you setting?' look. Kendall took a bite of the cookie and shrugged his shoulders before he smiled as he chewed. "When are you two going to stop ganging up on me?"

"When I'm gone," Kendall replied. The words slipped so easily out of his mouth, it startled him. Spit and a hunk of cookie went shooting down his throat and he started to cough. His mom and Katie gave him confused looks and he put a finger up in the air as he tried to catch his breath. "James…wants…to tour…South America…with Big Time Rush."

"Really?" Mrs. Knight and Katie asked in unison. Mrs. Knight's eyebrows came together into a line of worry and concern. Katie on the other hand looked surprised, yet excited. "Since when?"

"Since…last week," Kendall said, stalling for a moment.

"Well, honey, why didn't you say anything before?" Mrs. Knight asked.

"Because," Kendall replied. He wanted to end it there, but Mrs. Knight hiked an eyebrow, putting a hand on her hip, silently commanding him to talk. You never said 'no' to that look; when she wanted answers, you gave it to her. "You and Katie already had to move out to California with me, once, and then we moved back. I didn't want to have to uproot our lives, again. That's all."

"Sweetie, you don't have to worry about us," Mrs. Knight said, reaching out a hand to cup his cheek.

"Uh, yes, he does!" Katie replied, sounding offended. "Especially since he didn't tell me about this before he made his decision. As his manager, I hold the right to manage his decisions."

"I'll pay you in souvenirs," Kendall said to her with a roll of his eyes.

"That's all I ask," Katie replied with a wide grin.

Kendall took another bite of his cookie, dodging his mom's eye roll, looking over at his baby sister. She was fourteen years old now, and growing up faster then he could've imagined. A pang hit his stomach, causing him to stop mid-chew. He slowly wiped the crumbs from his lips. If things didn't turn out well, he wouldn't get to see her go to her prom, or graduate, or even get married.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Katie asked with a startled laugh.

"Like what?" Kendall asked, working a mashed up lump of the dessert into the side of his mouth so he could speak. It didn't stop the difficulty of talking over the lump in his throat.

"Like…_weird_," Katie replied, her nose wrinkling slightly. "It's creeping me out."

"Sorry, Baby Sister, I promise not to look at you anymore," Kendall replied before sticking his tongue out at her. Katie did the same.

"Yeah, well, you're not the first guy that won't," she quietly commented. That pang showed itself again, this time in his heart.

"They will," Kendall replied. "Don't you worry." Katie's upper lip curled slightly, but she didn't say anything else.

"What about your knee?" Mrs. Knight asked with a sigh. Kendall turned back to face his mom as she reached up to scratch at her eyebrow. "I've noticed you've been limping a bit. Is that going to be ok? I mean, you'll be constantly moving."

"No more than when I'm on the ice, mom," Kendall reminded her. He suddenly felt hot underneath his collar and shifted his gaze away from her. "Besides, you know what our shows are like, we get plenty of time to sit down and relax, and we always have medical personnel on hand." He then snapped his fingers and pointed at her. "Not to mention Logan."

"That _is _true," Mrs. Knight said after a moment of silence. She put a hand in the air. "You're an adult, I can make your own decisions. I just hope you really thought this through and decided that this is what you want to do."

"It's just for a month, mom. _One _month. I'll be back before you know it," Kendall reassured her.

"Have you told your coaches, yet?" Katie asked.

"Actually, I was kind of hoping mom would," Kendall said and Mrs. Knight gave Kendall a look of alarm. Before she could say anything else, he quickly bent over and kissed her on the cheek. "I've never been great at giving people bad news. Thanks mom, I love you." He reached into his pocket as his phone started to ring. "Would you look at that, I got a call, bye."

"Kendall Knight!"

"Hello?" Kendall said, louder than he needed to as he walked as fast as he could away from the kitchen, Katie's laughter ringing in his ears, a split second before Carlos's loud cheer shot into his ear. "_The boys are back!_"

Logan's voice came through next. "_Not yet, Carlos. There's still a lot we need to figure out; like tour buses, rehearsals, where we're going to perform_—"

James interrupted him. "_Chill, Logie, it'll all work out. It always does_."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed. He didn't have to fake his enthusiasm, being around his friends, he felt like they could conquer anything. "It always does."

* * *

**A/N: **This was originally called "Decisions" but I changed it as I decided to continue on with this story. Thanks to everyone who had previously read and review this story when it was originally a one-shot. I hope you continue on reading.


	3. The Boys Are Back in Town

**The Boys are Back in Town**

* * *

Kendall had crossed the Palm Woods lobby, pressed his lips against Jo Taylor's, and was perched in the chair across from her before she had even realized that he was there. With a smile, he watched as her warm brown eyes widen with recognition and sparkle with excitement as her pale pink lips parted to allow her to let out a loud "KENDALL" before she launched herself into his arms.

Kendall got to his feet and hugged her back just as tight as her bone crushing hug. Shifting his weight back onto his heels, he spun her around in circles before setting her back down onto the dull carpet. Jo sighed as she buried her head into his shoulder. Kendall ran his fingers through her silky blond hair, taking in a deep lungful of her honey scent. It warmed him from the inside out just like it used to.

"I can't believe you're here," Jo said, her words muffled before she took a step back to peer up at him, a smile so wide, Kendall was sure her face would be stuck that way. Not that he would complain about it, he loved her smile.

"I've missed you," Kendall said before bending his head to kiss her a second time. Jo wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him back. Kendall smiled as he pulled away from her before a serious look crossed is face. "Just don't tell James I saw you first. He'd kill me."

Jo giggled. "Don't worry about it," she replied, wiping his lips with her thumb. Kendall caught a glimpse of a shiny, glittery, pink smudge on the pad of her thumb and lifted his shirt collar to wipe any excess lip gloss from his lips. She waved her hand in the air before sitting back down in the chair she had vacated. "I won't be seeing him for a little while anyway. He moved out of the Palm Woods a couple months ago into a small apartment at Echo Park."

Kendall blinked; doing a double take as he slowly lowered himself down into his abandoned chair. He stretched his legs out in front of him before setting his feet flat on the floor, his lips twitching as his pants leg pulled taught over his knee brace. He wondered if he should reach down and adjust his pants leg, or let Jo notice and ask. If there was anyone he knew who would keep his secret it would be her.

He just didn't want to make her cry. He hated seeing her upset and never wanted to be the cause of it. He had never gotten over how he had made her feel unwanted when he tried to get her to break up with him before moving to New Zealand. All that because he couldn't tell her that he A: didn't want her to go film her new movie and B: that he wanted her to go film her movie. It was a confusing and stressful time and while things worked out between the two of them, it was pretty touch and go at times.

"Really?" he asked. _Why hadn't he told me that?_

"Yeah, with Lucy," Jo said.

_That's why. _Kendall slowly nodded his head. "Oh," he replied. "And…that's not weird for them at all?" He paused for a moment, looking over at her. "Or you?"

"Why would it be a problem for me?" Jo asked with a short laugh. She crossed her arms over her chest, giving him an amused look. "You're not the only thing we talk about, you know."

"What else do you have to talk about?" Kendall asked with a chuckle. He put his hands up defensively when Jo gave him a pointed look. "I'm kidding." He let out a sigh of relief.

He did have feelings for Lucy Stone when she was at the Palm Woods. She was different, unpredictable, and found a way to get under his skin barely uttering five words. But, he always loved Jo; despite taking a long time to actually tell her those three words.

He gave her a peaceful smile as she looked back at him. "What?" he asked.

"I just can't believe you're here," Jo replied, slowly shaking her head from side to side. "You haven't been back since you left for hockey. How's that going? I want to hear everything."

"I don't want to bore you with the details," Kendall quietly replied, letting out a nervous chuckle. He cleared his throat, clasping his hands together in his lap. "A lot of skating, a lot of bruising, a lot of games." He shrugged. "What about your acting? I'm not holding you from memorizing lines or working on an audition am I? I know I kind of just dropped in on short notice."

"No, you're fine," Jo replied.

"Well, I know _that_," Kendall joked and Jo let out a tinkling laugh. Kendall got to his feet and held his hands out towards her. Jo took his hands and allowed him to pull her to her feet. "Would you let me take you out to dinner tonight? I'd go now, but Carlos said he was going to be in and Logan's plane lands in a couple of hours, and then we were all going to head over to see James—"

"It's ok," Jo said, putting a hand over Kendall's mouth, stopping him from talking. Kendall pursed his lips, placing a small kiss on the palm of her hand. "I understand. Yes you may, but only if you don't mind the girls coming?" Jo said it as more of a question, giving him a sheepish look as she slowly removed her hand.

"Yeah, we can make it a group thing," Kendall replied with a nod of his head. "You me, James and Lucy, Logan and Camille, and Carlos and Stephanie. It'll be fun." He then gave her a boyish grin. "Will you come see me on tour?" He pressed his forehead against hers.

"Us girls are already working it into our schedule," Jo replied with a grin, reaching her arms up to wrap them around his neck. She scratched her nails through the hair on the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.

"No kissing in the lobby."

Kendall closed his eyes as the familiar, nasally; tone of Mr. Bitters rang in his ears. He let out a sigh of annoyance before dropping his arms from around Jo's waist to look over at the owner of the Palm Woods. Mr. Bitters angled his head back before taking a few steps back from Kendall, squinting at him through his large glasses.

"Since when?" Kendall demanded, feeling his eyes widen.

"Since you came back," Mr. Bitters said in a low tone, his eyes narrowing even more. Kendall had to hold back a laugh. All he had to do was set foot in the Palm Woods and he was already getting on Bitters' nerves. He couldn't hold back a grin. It was already starting to feel like old times. "It's bad enough one of you guys stayed behind, now there are two of you here?"

"Don't worry, Mr. Bitters, we're not going to be here long," Kendall said, putting a smile on his face. "We're heading back out on tour for a month."

"A month?" Mr. Bitters repeated, a wide smile coming to his face. He curled is meaty hands into fists and tilted his head back, mouthing 'Thank you' to the ceiling. Kendall gave him an odd look before exchanging amused glances with Jo. Mr. Bitters then cleared his throat, plastering a wide smile on his face, adjusting his tie. "Have a Palm Woods day."

"You know, I'm pretty sure I have a stink bomb reserved for him," Kendall commented, slowly shaking his head from side to side as he watched Mr. Bitters scurry away. Jo chuckled, swinging her am to gently hit Kendall's stomach with the back of her hand. "I'm going to go see Carlos, but keep your night free. Tonight will be romantic."

"I wouldn't expect any less," Jo replied, taking his hand to give it a gentle squeeze. "I'll see you later. Go see Carlos."

Kendall squeezed her hand back before making his way over to the elevators. His eyes shifted towards each person that he passed, expecting them to stop, stare, or do something in recognition of him being there. It was weird in one sense to be walking through the Palm Woods and not recognize anybody that was there, but it was even weirder when no one seemed to notice that he was there as well.

Not that it he was entitled to it, he was just used to it. So much in fact that he and his friends had practically become obsessed with getting people to recognize how important they were to the Palm Woods after their second tour. But, they _had _been "broken up" for months and if it was something he had learned about the music industry, it was that people moved on to the next big thing pretty quickly.

One Direction was still gaining momentum, The Wanted were forging their own path, who knew when Big Time Rush would put out any more music? Winning a Tween Choice Award did bring a little bit of a spike toothier music, but he could see it himself though; the boy band era was slowly dying out again. It made his decision to continue his hockey career just a tad bit easier. Walking through the lobby of the Palm Woods, all of his memories rushed back and he wondered why he even left in the first place.

The elevator doors dinged and Kendall stepped inside, jabbing his thumb into the round 2 before slumping against the back of the elevator. Rubbing his arm over his forehead, he carefully stretched his leg forward before slowly pulling it back. It hurt a little, but he chalked it up to not being able to stretch his legs out while on the plane due to the person sitting in front of him who thought it would be a good idea to lean his chair back as far as he could.

Just another excuse. Just for a little while he wanted to forget about his knee, but he knew that it wasn't going to be easy. It was like his doctor had said; everything he did was based around his knee. As soon as he landed in California and turned on his phone, he was greeted with calls from his mom, sister, James, Carlos, Logan, Dr. Maurer, and his hockey coaches.

They had taken his leave pretty well, but Kendall could see that they were disappointment. "You have so much potential, Knight," Coach Sanders had said over and over again, accompanied with a brief shake of his head. "So much potential."

"I know," Kendall had replied, twisting his fingers in his lap. "But, my brothers need me."

"Family has always been important to you; always been a great quality," Coach Enders agreed, tapping his pen against his desk. "We're a family here, too." Kendall bowed his head just slightly. "You hear back about your knee?"

"It's all good," Kendall had quickly replied. He fought hard to stop his lips from shifting down at the corners. Maybe a little too quickly. He held his breath as Coach Enders and Coach Sanders' eyes narrowed just slightly as if silently daring him to tell them the truth. Kendall shifted just slightly in his seat before giving them a close-lipped smile.

"If this is really what you want to do," Coach Sanders had finally said, hitting the edge of the desk with his fingers. He got to his feet, offering Kendall his hand. "We're sad to see you go, but, it's clear you've thought long and hard about this decision. Maybe in a month we could have an assistant coach position lined up for you, if you're still interested in working with us."

"A month is a long time to be off the ice, but you're a natural player and a natural leader," Coach Enders had added, taking his turn to shake Kendall's hand. "We think a coach position would be a great place for you to stick with the game and get your skills back up."

_If I'll even be around to get my skills back up_, Kendall had thought, keeping the smile on his face.

Kendall let out a sigh, raking his fingers through his long dark locks as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. It wasn't that he was never going to tell anyone, he just didn't think it'd be a good idea until he figured out whether or not the freezing treatment was going to work. He knew his mom, and Logan for that matter, would throw a fit if they knew he was experimenting with a treatment.

Lifting a hand, Kendall knocked on the door of apartment 2J. It was weird to not just barge in like he was used to doing. He knew Carlos would throw a fit if anyone would try and get rid of the swirly slide, but he wondered what else had stayed the same. He didn't have long to figure out for as soon as Stephanie King had opened the door to the apartment and greeted him, Carlos Garcia let out a loud scream, grabbed him around the waist and carried him into the apartment.

"You're here!" Carlos said between a fit of giddy laughter.

"Ow!" Kendall groaned as Carlos's bony shoulder was rammed into his stomach with each jump.

"You're here!"

"Carlos!"

"You're here!"

"Put me down!"

"Carlos," Stephanie said with a small smile, putting a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder, "put him down." Carlos did as he was told, practically dropping Kendall to the floor. He stumbled as his knee throbbed with pain and Kendall grit his teeth before straightening, turning it into a smile.

"Hey, Carlitos!" Kendall said with a smile, slapping Carlos's back in a hug. "How've you been?" He then turned towards Stephanie, giving her a hug as well. "Have you been keeping him in line?"

"Of course," Stephanie replied with a wicked grin. Carlos just smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "Do you want anything to eat or drink? We have chicken nuggets."

"With tots," Carlos and Kendall said in unison. He then blinked in surprise looking over at Stephanie as she made her way into the kitchen and then back at Carlos. "You're living together?"

"Yeah, didn't I tell you?" Carlos asked, his eyebrows knitting together just slightly. Kendall shook his head back and forth. "Huh. Maybe I told James." _Because he's here_? Kendall thought to himself, sliding his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. "Yeah, I asked her to move in a little while ago."

"Cool," Kendall replied.

"Yeah, dude," Carlos said, lowering his voice, shifting his gaze over towards his girlfriend. He grasped Kendall's arm, pulling him through the living room and into the room he used to share with Logan room…which now had a king sized bed in it. Carlos closed the door behind him. "I'm uh…planning on asked her to marry me."

"You're _what_?" Kendall asked, his eyes popping open.

On the one hand, he should've seen it coming; Stephanie and Carlos had been the only couple in their group to get together and stay together without any big problems, but on the other hand, he was still his wacky friend who Kendall was sure would drive any other girl crazy. But Stephanie wasn't any other girl.

"Yeah, man," Carlos said, rubbing his hands together. "I've been planning it for a little while. Whenever she comes down to visit while on tour, I'm going to propose." His smile faded just slightly. "I hope it's while we're in South America, more scenic if you think about it. She'll really remember that."

Kendall could just nod his head, chuckling. "I can't believe that, man, congratulations," he said, moving to give Carlos another hug. "Do James and Logan know?"

"Nah, I was going to tell them when we all got together," Carlos replied. The excitement returned to his eyes and he started bouncing back and forth on his feet. "We're getting back together, dude!"

"I know, I can't believe it, either," Kendall said, shaking his hair out of his face. "So…do you share this room or…?"

"Guest room," Carlos replied, shaking his head. "Mr. King only agreed to let Steph move in if we didn't stay in the same room." Kendall gave Carlos a weird look and he just shrugged his shoulders. "So, I'm staying in my old room, James's bed is still there, and Steph is in Katie and Mama Knight's old room. After…_everything_, we want to turn Katie's old room into another guest room."

Guest. The apartment wasn't even _his _anymore and yet everything was still there. The swirly slide, the arcade game, the see through refrigerator, and most likely all the holes they punched in the walls. Kendall swallowed thickly and decided to change the subject. He grinned, twitching his eyebrows. "Gustavo's head is going to pop having us all back." Carlos let out an evil laugh.

"_Boy, do I not like the sound of that_." Kendall watched Carlos grin as Stephanie's voice floated through the door. Carlos waggled his eyebrows before pushing the door open.

"We were talking about how we're going to turn what's left of Gustavo's hair gray, babe," Carlos said, earning a laugh from Stephanie as he took quick strides across the apartment. He stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her cheek.

Kendall relaxed into a smile as he watched the two of them. He could tell his friend really was in love and hoped to one day be at that same place with Jo.

* * *

As James, Carlos, and Logan doubled over laughing, Kendall smiled around chewing the taco that sat in his hands. The table in front of him was covered with bowls of lettuce, meat, cheese, onion, and taco sauce, all of which had been dripped and dropped onto the table top.

James was just as excited, if not more, than Carlos when Kendall had shown up on his doorstep. A bright smile and a loud shout of "DUDE" ricocheted off his ear drums before he was pulled into James's hard chest in a tight hug. Kendall caught a glimpse of a hint of dark fuzz on James's upper lip before noticing the short, square cut f his friend's hair.

He remembered when James was so adamant about cutting his hair to begin with. He had barricaded himself in the bathroom at the hair salon the instant he had heard the clippers turn on with a low hum. After bribing him with any Cuda product he could get his hands on, his next issue was dying it a dark brown color. In the end it had worked out as after it was all over, he had his usual confident attitude, and was talking about how they should "mix up" their styles for each album. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan were rolling their eyes for days after that episode.

"You need to cut your hair, man," James had said as he ruffled Kendall's over grown bangs. Kendall had batted his hand away, giving a half smile as he stepped into the foyer of James's home.

One of the main reasons he had kept it long was to keep his head warm while he was out on the ice. Plus, it caught sweat well. He also kept it that way because he heard that chemotherapy caused hair loss. The more hair he had, the less noticeable it would be if he were to go down that route.

"I think its fine," Lucy Stone had given her two cents, arms crossed over her chest, her usual smirk on her face as she regarded Kendall. She had looked him up and down. "Brings more of an edge to your music."

"Ha, ha," Kendall had let out a sarcastic laugh despite stepping towards her to give her a quick hug.

"You're not going to ask me how I'm doing?" she had asked, giving him an amused look. Kendall looked over at James—who was giving Carlos a quick hug—and then back at her. She jumped in before he could say anything. "I'm fine, by the way. Just about to head out." She patted James's shoulder and he turned his head to give her a quick kiss.

"Don't eat everything in the fridge," Lucy had called over her shoulder as she made her way towards the front door. "You'll ruin your appetite." Kendall turned to watch her go and she let out a small laugh. "Or maybe not. We'll meet you at The Grove."

"We won't be long," James had said, following her to the door. "Gustavo and Kelly are on their way over, we'll talk about the tour, and then we'll be down there." He had then kissed the side of her head as she reached the closet door. She reached inside and removed a motorcycle helmet. "Drive safely."

"I will," Lucy replied, pulling open the front door. "Have fun, boys."

James had then given Carlos and Kendall a quick tour of the home where they ended just in time for Logan to arrive. After going through the tour the second time with the four boys catching up and shoving each other into walls and banisters, they raided the kitchen for food before congregating in the living room.

"Kendall," Logan said, catching his attention. "How's your knee? You said in an e-mail it was acting up again." Kendall chewed the lump of meat, onions, and cheese at the side of his mouth. "I looked up some of those pain killers for you."

"Logie, you're a life saver," Kendall said after a loud swallow.

"Your knee's bothering you again?" Carlos asked, lettuce hanging out of his mouth as he chewed. Kendall reached for a napkin, throwing it in his friend's face.

"Just had a hard check at a practice one day, that's all," he replied, waving his hand in the air. "The team medic gave me some stuff, and I asked Logan what he professionally thought would be the best to use." He licked the sauce off of his thumb. "That's all."

Logan's eyes narrowed slightly. Kendall looked back at him and gave a slight shake of his head from side to side. Logan was just too good at noticing when things with his friends were wrong; there was no way Kendall would've gotten anything past him. Logan swallowed but didn't say anything else.

"It'll be fine for the tour, trust me," Kendall added. He laughed. "I'm going to need it to if we need to run away from any problems we cause Gustavo."

"And you know we will," Carlos said before tilting his head back, letting out a loud, "Whoop, whoop."

"Kelly, the dogs are howling already," Gustavo Rocque's loud voice echoed from the foyer as the front door crashed open, mixing in with the peal of the security system and the sound of Kelly Wainwright's heels.

Kendall started making barking noises and James, Carlos, and Logan joined in with higher and lower pitched barks and growls. "What have we gotten ourselves into? We still have time to run. Let's go." He must've tried to make a move for the exit. Kelly's words came out as a grunt. "No! We're all in this together," she cried. Moments later she was seen pushing Gustavo into the living room.

"Gustavo!" James loudly called, getting to his feet.

He opened his arms and with a wide smile, walked over to their music producer to give him a hug. Kendall was right behind him and soon found himself crushed by Logan and then Carlos who literally jumped to join the group hug, with Kelly standing off to the side, peering at her palm pilot, just like she used to.

"Down, dogs, down!" Gustavo shouted in Kendall's ear. He let out a huff of air and lifted his hands to pat James and Kendall on the head once, twice, three times. "Alright, alright." An uncomfortable look crossed his face. "I missed you dogs, too."

"Now if we could get down to business—"

"Kelly!"

Kelly smiled as she was then enveloped by the four boys in a tight hug. Wiggling her arms free, she managed to give the boys a hug in return. "I've missed you boys, too," she said as she brushed her hair out of her face. "We have a lot we need to get done for this tour."

"Like choosing a tour bus that can hold all my Cuda products?" James asked with a charming smile. "I was thinking the exact same thing." He moved to sit back down at the spot he had just vacated on the floor. "I was thinking of a Lazy Susan type of mechanism."

"Ooh, _or_ we could have a rotating corn dog plate," Carlos said, waving his hand in the air. "Huh? Huh? Who's with me?"

"So…those two could share a tour bus together," Logan said in a stage whisper, elbowing Kendall in the side. "Bet?"

"Bet," Kendall replied. "If they want to asphyxiate on Cuda products and corn dog fumes all day, be my guest."

They all had pros and cons of sharing tour buses with each other and on more than one occasion had driven each other crazy. Logan had the tendency to be _too _clean, but did have a lot of healthy stuff for his bus-mate to eat. Kendall was laid back about a lot of things, but could rally his bus-mate into getting things like song-writing and on-bus studio recording done. James was too focused on his looks, but helped his bus-mate look his best, and Carlos stayed up way too late bouncing off the walls, but made sure you were never bored during travel.

Together, and with Gustavo and Kelly, they were one unstoppable team. And this tour was going to prove it.


End file.
